My Andy Rooney List

This is my "Andy Rooney Moment," or maybe better titled: If I were Master of Time and Space, these are a few things I would make sure are changed, for the better:

1 - Coffee pot drip. Who designed the "carafe?" and why can't you pour anything from them without spilling?
2- Voting. The Minnesota Senate recount, as well as the Bush v. Gore case, show that the day of the paper ballot has long since passed. American Idol has results for over 30-million in a few hours! It takes six months to figure out who won the Senate race?
3 - Wireless Internet Settings. Between PPPoE (1 and 2), DSL, AirPort, Ethernet, USB and Firewire, just knowing what to click requires an engineering degree, a relative with an IT connection or hours on the phone. Then, you need to set the IP address, WAN settings, boolie-boolie settings, and, of course we need your account name (not your E-mail) and your ISP password. Enough said? Can you imagine if you needed to do this every time you got a new TV, or stereo, or telephone?
It's the Bill Gates-ing of the World, baby, and it's gotta stop.
4 - Public Restroom Toilet Paper Rolls - Who thought it was a good idea to put them ON THE FLOOR? And what's with the monster rolls? I swear people use twice as much, if they can reach the beginning of the roll.
5 - Cruise Control button layout. It is different on every vehicle, and even among the same manufacturers! Pick a layout and make it the same. Can you imagine having to learn the layout on every computer keyboard? What if "QWERTY" didn't apply? Or what if auto manufacturers each had unique and different pedal configurations? "What's this pedal do? Oh, THAT'S the gas!"
6 - All computer virus composers would eventually be stricken with gangrene of the fingers.
7 - Religious differences wouldn't be such a ridiculous deal. Grow up, think what you want, and leave everyone else out of it. We don't really care what you do or don't believe. Just keep us out of it. ANY religion that advocates violence against another religious belief is NOT a religion, it is thuggery, pure and simple.
8 - More yogurt flavors. Not really, I just thought it would be an interesting juxtaposition to the religious thing above.
9 - The elimination of 'satellite" AM/FM radio, pretending to be "live and local." I'm not talking about XM or Sirius, which is equivalent to satellite. One of the great communication scams of the last decade, and it should put all stations that do this under the FCC licensing gun.
10 - Elimination of the Juicebox. No greater waste of resource in beverages, except for maybe the "energy drink."
11- Strict controls on pet breeding. There are so many "puppy mills" that we hear awful things about, I can only imagine the hidden ones. Ditto cat breeders. There seem to be plenty of them without the breeders, and few if any real controls.
12- Restrictions on slogans. Especially on "news organization." The trend seems to be if they say they are better, more up-to-date, more balanced, fair or world wide, they are just the opposite.
13- Signaling laws - Make not using your turn signals a Misdemeanor. Or at least make it a true driving violation, on par with speeding or running a stop sign. Just how freaking lazy can you be? Really? You're that lazy? Really? Then you deserve a ticket.
14- No more "baby" in music. - Hereafter, I institute a five year moratorium on the use of the word "baby" in all pop music.
15- Scooter laws - Under my reign, scooters, golf carts, ATVs and slow, electric vehicles can use all roads, except interstates. And kids age 12 and up - with certification - as well. Ten-year-olds can hunt with a rifle in my state! I think they can ride a 25-MPH scooter.
16- Settle the Blu-Ray/DVD deal. C'mon, the whole "beta" vs. VHS" left us with the wrong choice, just because of manufacturer involvement. Make 'em both work on each player.
17- Athlete Pay - I'm not saying we should restrict any body's "potential," but it makes all other pay scales ridiculous. When a .267, mediocre utility player is making twenty times what the President of the USA makes, there is bungle in the jungle. That's going to collapse the professional sports industry faster than steroids, ballpark costs or moving a team.
18 - Speaking of Steroids - Who are you fooling? This is not that big a deal. Test players in every sport randomly, and just for "performance enhancers." I don't care if they're smoking a joint, or taking advil or claritin. Clearly define what is legal and what isn't, and test for THAT often. Period. Make them pay for it. We do it with DUI offenders, why not athletes? Is it cost? (See above.)
19- "Green" Underwriter's Laboratories - I'm afraid we're being hoodwinked by many companies who "greenwash" and pretend to be doing environmentally friendly actions, but are still using child labor, or toxic paint, lead, or cheap foreign labor. But they they "pretend" to be green by using various amounts of recycled paper, or less packaging or whatever. I want - and am willing to pay for - the true "Green Index" of a product and a company. Not just what THEY say, but what the real truth is. Then it would affect their products and practices.
20 - Printer cartridge standards - Giant waste. They all have their own flavor, and they all are way over priced and cannot be refilled without exotic equipment. Make them sit down and agree on a format, just like batteries, or paper size or CDs.
21 - Make junk mail MORE expensive - Right now, it's the opposite. Carry the burden of postal service on the backs of the people and industries who abuse it and make it so awful to open my mailbox. How many offers for Direct TV do I need per week? Massive waste, for very little return for very few.
22- Grocery Bags - I'm sick of seeing them on the roadside or in trees or everywhere. Force them to be compost-able or biodegradable. I don't mind paying a few cents extra. In some parts of the world, they call the plastic bags the "White Cloud" because they are so numerous, and never go away, flying across the countryside with the wind.
23- Bring back the "FirePuck" - I refuse to watch hockey on TV without being able to see the puck. The "firepuck" experiment a few years ago was a step in the right direction.
24 - Prime time "Enhancement" ads - It's time to take that sexual crap off the TV. Especially before 10pm. Totally inappropriate.
25- Tax Repetition - Since everything on the planet will eventually be Bar Coded. I say we limit the NUMBER OF TIMES a product can be taxed. My Chrysler has been bought and sold at least six times, does the state or the feds DESERVE sales tax EVERY TIME? Maybe the first two, then it would be reduced in rate, eventually to zero. Some products - vehicles especially - have been taxed dozens of times during sales over the years, often times even more between states, and even among family members!
26- No more of the 'Three R's" - This is a tired, ridiculously simpleton approach to education, and it makes you sound like an idiot. It might work in Finland or Bulgaria or in the rain forest, but not in today's' world.
27- Crappy Toy Tax - Anything plastic in a Kid's Meal, or similar product, should be taxed accordingly, for the garbage, hassle, tears, and eventual garage sale factor.
28- Free battery recycling - Build the charge into batteries. The heavy metals, toxic chems and other products in them are a leaching problem just stewing and waiting to happen.
29- No more "ET" - Entertainment Tonight is the unfortunate byproduct of TV run amok, even more than Jerry Springer. How much do we need ot know about the "Octomom," or Anna Nicole Smith's kid, or OJ? C'mon, put this crap to bed.
30- Elimination of the "regular" slotted screw - We made it through twenty centuries without the Phillips, but we need to dump the regular Screw NOW. They are cheap, wimpy and don't work in anything short of a decorative matter.
31- Fake eyebrows - C'mon, do you think they look OK? Take a week off.
32- Buried powerlines - We can do it, and it saves so much in storms. Entire counties are cut off during ice and wind storms. We can do it, it just costs a bit more initially. Cheaper than pulling out all the stops when the lines are down from trees.
33- DTV - Yes, we get it. Old TVs won't work. We need a box. It sucks, and it's going to be a huge deal. Enough about it.
34- Infomercial-free cable. Wasn't that the point of cable, originally? Why have we accepted this as OK? Don't buy stuff from them and it will stop!
35- No more "theme money" - The state quarters were cute, but did I spend anymore? Do we need to "revamp" our coins? This seems like a Treasury Department branch in search of a reason to function.
36- Razor interchangeability - I know, it seems petty, but also a waste that my old razors won't work because of the new style of Gillette or Mach 12 or whatever, with four soap strips and seven blades. Ho-hum, I just want to shave.
37- Wimpy Toothbrushes - Eliminate the "soft" brushes. Might as well use cotton balls.
38- Return of the Magician/Circus/Comedy Club - Is there really anything better than a live magic show? Remember the excitement of the circus? Is there anything funnier than a real live comedy show with truly funny people and entertainers? I miss that.

That's enough for now.

Stickers and Mom spit

Don't lick the light fixture, unless you're a Mom.


Yes, the Economy had a stroke. Businesses across the planet are trimming employees like they were stray ear hairs. But we still put up with crappy quality. I’m convinced we have become a society of spineless consumers, too often settling for “good enough” if it means we can save a few bucks.
I'm afraid it's only going to get worse, because "quality" affects the Bottom Line. One of the first branches of employees to go will be customer service reps.
So, the poor folks left will have to deal with even more angry consumers.
Regardless, I'm taking the gloves off.
One memorable nightmare came courtesy the Michigan Department of Natural Resources for their excessively permanent one-year snowmobile validation stickers, which are required and do not go away, ever.
Yes, when the only things left on the planet are bronze statues, cockroaches, Twinkies and Keith Richards, he'll be riding around on a vehicle protected by a Michigan DNR sticker.
It was a real project, removing that sticker from my sled’s hood. Eventually, another sticker over the top was the answer.
But there's more: When finishing a long remodeling project in my daughter’s bedroom, it was supposed to culminate in a new, energy saving, halogen light fixture.
Not only was I saving the world, she would be basking in the warm glow of soft, natural light - "Easier on the eyes!"
All that was left was to remove the half dozen various warning stickers, including that it was "UL-approved."
I’m sure in a litigious society like ours, it makes sense to tell people to turn the power off before installation, to use certain wattage bulbs and not to cook meat products on the warm fixtures or not to insert your tongue into the socket. But the stickers would not come off. If they did, a slight halo of adhesive remained, right there on the most visible part of the lighting fixture.
No amount of spit, elbow grease or detergent would remove the sticker goo. Nail polish remover destroyed the finish and even licking them – kind of odd, licking a sticker that says not to lick it – would not release their grasp. (I figured the old “Magical Mom Spit Postulate” might apply, where a Mother’s spit can take care of any stain on the human body, short of a tattoo.)
Even with The Magical Spit Theory, the ghost of the stickers held on like an aging southpaw relief pitcher with two remaining contract years.
No choice but to remove the whole light fixture, pack it up as best as possible, pile the family into the car and head for the lighting store, an hour away.
We found a new fixture, and decided to dig back into the bedroom project.
I hoped to set up our new, hot rod CD player stereo with a “random shuffle” to have a little background music while we performed our delicate bedroom art.
Sorry, Charlie; The month-old CD/DVD player refused to recognize that function. An hour of researching the directions – transcribed into five languages, including Portuguese and Korean – and still no way to reach the function.
All avenues explored, the player “required authorized mechanical service,” according to an eventual E-mail response from the manufacturer.
I can taste another customer service conversation coming.
It’s getting old, people.
Did I mention my lousy cell phone plan and flaky customer service? Or the substandard auto repair recently? Or that the hood release and defroster on my truck have never worked right? Or the wireless computer problem that never seems to get solved? Or the foam brushes I bought locally that fell apart into the can of paint after ten minutes?
I’m not pointing fingers and did not name the manufacturers - yet. Maybe it’s just a coincidence that a variety of products and services from different nations, stores and professions just seem to be, well, less than acceptable.
Part of the problem is a lack of product testing and logical designs. But a major part is simple corporate corner cutting; Spending more on marketing, flashy (difficult to open) packaging and executive comp packages than actual product improvement.
I’m ready to become the new, official American quality control “Squeaky Wheel,” even if it means licking light fixtures.

My guest letter for a high school graduation…

Every Spring, thousands of young men and women will get puffed up and don mortar boards, gowns and tans as they graduate from high school.
This letter/column was meant to be a realistic addendum to the numerous speeches and many years of public education they have endured.
It is also a sample speech I can give for any large event, christening, Grand Opening, shuttle launch, inauguration, execution or pre-school graduation ceremony.
I title it: "Do as I say, not as I did."

Graduates:

•You can no longer sign your name with a heart or a smiley face. You need to stick to a signature from here on. Make sure it reflects your intelligence level and penmanship.
•Be good to your ears; wear earplugs when necessary.
•While you are sure to celebrate your incredible educational accomplishments, don’t celebrate in a way that will bring an unwanted child into the world.
•If you haven’t started smoking yet, congratulations! Now don’t start.
•Keep track of all your local friends, it is very hard to track them down later. Wherever you move to, bring a local phone book. Much cheaper than 411.
•Stay the same weight; it saves a ton of clothing money.
•Time to think about unpleasant subjects like insurance, paying the dentist, Selective Service, phone bills and waking up before noon.
•Be nice to little kids, animals and older folks. Period. You were a goofy little chump once, also. And you will probably be old one day, as well.
•This is your last chance to travel the world on your parent’s dime. Go everywhere, see everything, and stay out of foreign jails or bathhouses.

•Drive reasonably, wear your seat belts and use your turn signals.
•Now is your last chance to either grow your hair really long, really goofy, or color it purple, green or blue.
•Drinking is likely, just not legal. We all know many of you will be drunk several times this summer. Just don’t break stuff, people or critters. Throw a sleeping bag in the back of your car and a large bottle of aspirin in the glove box. A toothbrush is a good idea, also.
•Remember that you will look extra dorky with long neon hair, nose rings and a name tag in your mugshot.
•Keep track of your own taxes. It’s not your parents’ job anymore.
•Personally thank your favorite teachers for putting up with you and not retiring the year before you came into their class.
•Visit your relatives, especially those in nursing homes.
•Make dinner for your parents on occasion. Make the bed you borrow and remember your family’s birthdays.
•Use sunscreen liberally.
•Vote with your head and heart now; You’ll vote with your wallet later. Just vote.
•Keep track of all your pictures, they are your own little museum of memories. Mark them on the back, and load them into CDs or hard drives, albums or boxes.
•Buy three things: A good dictionary, a piece of art you enjoy and a bedspread that goes with everything. You now have the beginnings of any home you will ever live in.
•Attend your parent’s church on occasion. The parishioners will be flabbergasted and genuinely intrigued - even with the neon hair and nose rings.
•Volunteer for something on occasion: Mentoring, Scouts, church chaperoning, coaching, Adopt-a-Highway clean up, etc. Don't wait for community service requirements from a judge.
•Be very careful at weddings, they can be dangerous.
•Learn to drive a stick shift.
•Take care of your teeth, back and knees. Wear good shoes, also.
•Don’t cuss in public, ever.
•Now is your last real chance to learn a new language. Make it a cool one, like Russian or Farsi. That way no one can correct you.
•Don’t get a tattoo you can’t cover with a dress, sport coat or long sleeved shirt.
•Worth saying twice: Wear your seat belt. No exceptions. It’s amazing what you can survive with a belt on.
•Men, learn to tie a tie, vacuum the carpet and unload a dishwasher.
•Ladies, learn how to unplug the toilet, check the oil on your car and clear a mouse trap.
•Be respectful to people you don’t know. Make them earn your disrespect.
•Attend the funeral of every person you know. It gives you an appreciation for reality, friendship and the passing of time. The ceremonies are amazingly uplifting.
•On that note, have one appropriate suit of clothes for such a “serious” event.
•Always carry a few extra “throw away” bucks, and don’t be afraid to buy a kid a pack of gum. They’ll think you’re a god.
•Hug your relatives, smile often when listening, say “thank you” and always leave an appropriate tip.

•Make the future more than it would be without you in it. We trust you, just as our parents trusted us. Make us proud, baby. Make us proud of that trust.


(A portion of this first appeared in May 2003, in an opinion column in The Osceola (WI) Sun. All photo credits mine,)

Behind the curtains in Talk Radio...

I worked in radio for close to two decades, in all flavors of position. From music director to afternoon drive host and as news director. I've watched the meteoric rise of Conservative Talk from the sidelines, generally, but worked in stations where it was "piped in."
In all my years, I've never read a better assessment as to why it works, and what the strange appeals is to these seemingly ridiculous programs with incendiary, window-licking hosts.
Every suspicion is confirmed here.
One of the true insiders behind Charlie Sykes steps behind the giant wall with the ogre face and pulls back the curtain, revealing not only our inner-most fears, but our desire to follow crowds, ideas and philosophies, whether tepid and meek or riotous and angry.
Mike Shelley's posting should be standard reading for anyone who EVER listens to Talk Radio, regardless of political affiliation.
He nails it, baby.
And it scares me more than it probably should.
Enjoy, and tell me what you think.

The Domestic Car Quandary

It's a pretty emotional story. What to do about the "Big Three" and Detroit? Many people are convinced they should just be let out to pasture and shot, others want bankruptcy - so they can "slim down" - others want a full-blown bailout package to keep the (face it) millions of jobs tied to this industry.
They're all right to some extent, and all equally wrong. 

Here's a perfect example of both. Popular Mechanics pointed out ten things wrong with GM - including the Hummer H2 and the early Saturns? - which is akin to finding hairs out of place on a model. Well, bad analogy, but yes, okay, some of those cars were absolute bombs, but reading the comments on the piece sealed what I'm saying: Most people have NO IDEA WHAT'S REALLY WRONG WITH DETROIT. 

• Wall Street, bean counters and the stockholders. Have you ever bought something because it gave investors larger dividends? Of course not. That "Feed Us!" mentality has brought the Big Three to the pavement. They don't care about quality, reputation or the future of the product or a brand, they care about the next quarter's dividends - which realistically, for most of them, is a few hundred bucks. Whoopee! Let's drive 'em into the ground to save cash and bring up the bottom line! This killed Detroit as much or more than anything. Tangible companies - meaning they make something - shouldn't make decisions purely on stockholders. They are a small part of the overall picture. The bean counters forced the Big Three to make so many concessions they lost their passion, cut corners to save cash and made everything so cheap it couldn't last, hence the lack of loyalty. 
• Foo-Foo trends. GM especially, and Ford as well. They built heavier and heavier trucks over the decades, requiring more and more power and hence, lesser mileage. They are SO committed to them, they can never go back. Giant SUVs, vinyl tops, front wheel drive (Yes, I said it. It's not the best way to move anything. Costly, heavy and incredibly complicated, FWD makes a flat floor and helps in the snow, but is amazingly fragile.) Remember Fords in the 70s? Giant boats with micro back seats. GM always kills their cars JUST WHEN THEY GET GOOD (Camaro, Buick Grand National, Impala police/taxi, even the EV1 was ahead of its time!). GM is known for letting customers find the problems, and using warranties instead of testing and engineering. Ditto Chrysler, which never seems to learn lessons, and has the same problems on entire generations of vehicles!
• Overblown Japanese reputation. They can make some fantastic vehicles, but they also seem to forget the American way: We speed on bad roads, hit very big bumps, pull trailers, hit the ditch a few times and like to change our own oil. Almost any of those things can make for a tough time with an import. Only now have they realized about the towing, and ever look at the body shop bill after a deer hit? Don't EVER buy a front-wheel drive car after a crash EVER! Japanese cars used to be crap. They used cheap metal that rusted before the first tune-up. They were impossible to find parts for, expensive to fix and when they did fall apart, not worth putting back to together. Some of that has changed, but in reality, their reputation is based more on JD Power and vaguely-substantiated "lists" of repairs. Hmm, if it's off warranty, who do you tell?
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Service and Dealerships. This alone is reason to let the Big Three fail. Outrageous pricing structure, awful warranty dealings, un-friendly DIY designs, underwhelming loyalty, slickster attitudes, misleading bills for routine items.  
• Engineers and Stylists. GM takes the cake here. The Pontiac Aztek alone proves every previous point. They all have their Azteks: Ford's Pinto-based Mustang (nicknamed "Muskrat,") ...Star-series vans, Expedition,  Lincoln's gorgeous but insane LSCs ($1,200 to fix a headlight?) and many more. Chrysler has a lot, as well: K-car-derivatives for 15 years! Even, aargh,  a limousine! The Dodge Dynasty, St. Regis and Plymouth stutters.   
• Sales staffs. All of them are so bad, they deserve ragging upon again.
• Clueless CEOs and administration. They all made that blatantly obvious at the Congressional Bailout hearings recently. No plans, no cost saving, no humility or pride. They are only there to make money for others. That's not a car company, that's a pimp. 
• Awful negotiations. I don't blame the Unions, at all. If the Big Three couldn't ever get their collective acts together to bargain in good faith for better deals, then it's THEIR FAULT. The same people blaming the UAW are the same people blaming the homeowners for the Foreclosure Crisis. Self-interests, baby, self-interests. Detroit dropped the ball on bail-outs, pensions, CEOS and corporate structure long before they can blame it on the Unions. Blaming unions for Detroits fall is like blaming bad news on the Internet. How many hundred or thousand times the average auto worker's salary do the "corporate administrators" in these three make? It's misplaced priorities, complete lack of pride in a product, and a "blame the union" attitude so prevalent on Capitol Hill over the last decade that's compounded the problem. the unions saw the writing on the wall, and figured they better get what they can. Do you blame them?  

(All photos are mine, from the astounding Las Vegas Imperial Palace Auto Collection/Museum. If you're in the market for a super-rare ride, check them out. BTW, the red '76 Ford Torino at the top of the article? It's an actual "Starsky and Hutch" movie ride, for sale, even!)

The Legendary SkibVid Projects unearthed

From the musically-challenged mind of Jonaimal comes one of the legendary lost "Skibvids," which were about thirty years ahead of their time. That time was apparently those lost hours when we move our clocks forward or back. You know, "spring forward," slash "fall back." Where do those lost hours go?
Now we know. They are filmed and released thirty years later, to a waiting - but nearly geriatric - crowd of fans.
Good to have them, Jon! Great to see our old friends before they were attacked by carbohydrates and shocked into grayness, with Palin-esque-looking glasses frames, even! Apparently, all the ones I was in were truly lost (on purpose).
Man, you really were ahead of your time.
This is also evidence of why people should be licensed to carry a video camera, let alone turn it on and dance to music.
There are several Skibvids to review on YouTube, and they are quite funny. It's also strange to see our old stomping grounds in the early 80s. We sure couldn't afford those neighborhoods now.

Koyaanisqastsi - Stunning, way-cool vid-mash

This is an amazing, mashed-up clip from the 1982 underground favorite film "Koyaanisqatsi," (The Hopi Indian word for "life in motion," or "life out of balance.") It is the first of three films using time lapse, fast motion, extraordinary videography and a creepy soundtrack to study the way people and the planet work. And, I guess, how we do stuff. This version is mashed with a song by "The Strokes," called "Reptilia," and it's pretty cool. Note the giant housing complex about two minutes in: It's the infamous "Pruitt-Igoe" housing project that changed the way we think about public housing. All public officials should have to read about this disaster. The film was perceived strangely in '82, if I recall. Looked at as part psychedelia trip, part study in video possibilities. Came across as probably an environmentally-flavored piece when it first came out, showing how we screw everything up, but it is absolutely stunning to watch. I suggest following the links and playing as many as possible, then buying the whole series and spending about five hours in rapt amazement. Then donate lots of cash to some worthy cause.
Or you could just watch this.
The second film came about six years later, and had help from George Lucas, I believe. I'll post a piece of it later. The final film was about six years ago. I have yet to track it down for a review.
Enjoy this, and you'll never look at the world the same again, ever.

"You AND your little dog!"

(Photo Credit: NASA. So We The People ALL paid for it. I know I got my .0000017 cent's worth!)
Just got back from 'Wicked," at the (Historic) Orpheum Theatre, in downtown Mpls. Got there in my "Historic" Jeep. Went to the someday-to-be-remembered-fondly-but-not-in-a-historic-way Rock Bottom Brewery. Tasty viddles with cute sounding beers: Itasca is the only one I remember.
I highly recommend "Wicked." The music is quite solid, catchy and relevant, and the stage is among the best I've ever seen. The story, of course, is the background to the two witches from Wizard of Oz. They carefully but honestly dovetail the strange story into the movie, more than the Frank Baum novel.
Glinda and Elphaba (The Wicked Witch of the West) were both amazing. The story MUST be a movie in the near future. I saw the Glinda character as Amy Poehler, and the WWW could be Tina Fey, who might have some free time now that Gov. Palin is back home, wrestling Kodiak's. Actually, I could see the Guv filling in as an understudy.
(Playing the role of the Wicked Witch tonight is Governor Sarah Palin.)
"Oh gee, dare. You might need to stand back so my lil bropmie-thing here has some room...Geez, you know the only difference between a witch and Hillary Clinton, dontcha? Witches use broomsticks, dontcha know!"

Hmmm, if they can make THREE High School Musicals, they can cajole @ least ONE Wicked!
Soundtrack would be good, but the tix - courtesy my spousal associations - would have been over $65.
Hmmm-Live music theatre or, hmmm, paying for the LIKELY GREATEST TAX INCREASE IN THE HISTORY OF CIVILIZED MAN AND SECOND BIGGEST EVER FOR ALL LIVING ORGANISMS since the Inquisition? Tough call. You know, now that Obama is gonna be President.
Oh I SO miss the political ads.
"Hahaha. I betcha miss those political ads of mine, dontcha? Hey Todd, run and get me a Moosehead from the porch, and tell Trig to leave the snow-machine alone when it's runnin!"

Oh wait, the families were off-limits. Have I no heart? Wait, that's a character from 'Wicked!' So it all comes full circle!

(More bkgrnd on the NASA Image of the (scary) Witch Head Nebula. "As the name implies, this reflection nebula associated with the star Rigel looks suspiciously like a fairytale crone. Formally known as IC 2118 in the constellation Orion, the Witch Head Nebula glows primarily by light reflected from the star. The color of this very blue nebula is caused not only by blue color of its star, but also because the dust grains reflect blue light more efficiently than red. A similar physical process causes Earth's daytime sky to appear blue. ")

Surrender Dorothy!