Meet the NEW $6-million dollar deputy!

Wars, chemical weapons, hostages, POW’s, drug busts, Special Forces, etc. all bring to light the need for a new $6 million man.
No, I’m not talking about quasi-actor Lee Majors, with his wandering “bionic” eye and monotone baritone, or even Lindsey Wagner’s sheepish “Bionic Woman” reprisal. And no, 2007's short-lived "Bionic Woman" TV version seemed more concerned with fashions and villainous plots to overhaul Wall Street.
Wait, maybe they succeeded.
No, I’m talking about a NEW bionic employee for the 21st Century.
"We could make him faster..."
I’m sure Dick Cheney has thrown the idea out for a “Super American Soldier,” in a vein similar to Reagan’s “Star Wars” plan. That super agent could sneak in under the cover of Afghani night or Damascus fog to retrieve sought-after evil folk, or recover Weapons of Mass Destruction documents from under North Korean henchman Kim il Jong’s pillow while he slumbers, dreaming of new gel treatments for his trollish hair.

I’ve heard there is a new “$6 million man” movie in the works, and I’m sure the special effects alone will cost twenty times that amount.
Which leads to the quandary: How much would the bionic man cost in "modern" dollars? While annual inflation rates would probably raise his medical treatment to $100 million - not including interest and service charges - his co-pay amount would still be just $75, however, since he has a killer health plan.
But realistically, the technology to make a bionic person run 60-mph, or lift a Dodge Ram, or see through walls, is much cheaper today than it was in the mid-70s.
That turbo eye of his could be a marvel of coolness these days, with the ability to discover fake money, forged paintings and see into the guts of suspected drug smugglers.
Heck, even Cub Scout troops now have night vision goggles!
"We can make him better than before..."
I would guess the Bionic Dude would still cost as much as a new 150-bed jail and courthouse, twenty Ford squad cars, and a new radio tower, with a little extra change left over for his receding hairline, back waxing and some minor dental work.
(That always bugged me about Lee Majors, they spent all that cash on his arm, legs and eye, but they couldn’t find him a few bucks to send him to the orthodontist?)
However, due to Title IX restrictions, Congress would likely need to allocate the same amount to a Bionic Woman, but they can’t put a price before her, since it might imply she was some sort of high-priced call girl or something. NOW would be all over that one, let alone the whole cast of "The View."
But then, maybe that would be the icing on the Congressional cake for several male, southern elected officials. I can almost hear the endorsements from the floor of the Capitol.
“The Great State of Tennessee, home to Elvis, Dolly Parton and rockabilly, supports the creation of a bionic supermodel, a ‘super debutante,’ per se…as long as she goes on the campaign trail with me!”
After the campaign, that Bionic campaigner could help again with re-counts!
(Insert sound effect of bionic special effects, zipping through thousand of ballots in the time it takes one Secretary of State to respond to critical media questions.)

But why should NASA or the Army always get the coolest toys? Maybe every state and county should have the option to apply for a “Bionic Person” grant, kind of like the “COPS” program or "Click-it and Ticket."
Of course, the Feds would only cover the costs for three years, after that, it’s up to the local government to pay his or her salary and costs. The bionic mods would hopefully have some sort of extended warranty, as I can’t see local governments paying to fix a busted bionic eye ten years down the road.
“NASA says they don't even MAKE that kind of cornea anymore! So we’ve decide to just go with a patch until we have the money,” a frugal board member would suggest.
Counties could use a good bionic sheriff’s deputy for meth lab and DWI busts ("Act now and get a built-in Breathalyzer!") Or they could use bionic firemen to deal with bio terrorism and hazardous chemical spills. Tell me there's ever going to be a cat stuck in a tree with that Bionic employees' 45-foot vertical!
The county board debate alone on the purchase could be worth hearing: “But I want to know how it will affect property taxpayers? It’s not just the $6 million, you know - There are interest payments down the road.”
“I say we pay for the bionic legs, but let the Sheriff’s Department finish the arm and super eye job from their budget. I just don’t think we need to increase the tax levy for a non-represented bionic county employee!”
"Send it back to committee."
“We could rent him out to other counties on weekends!”
Let’s see someone give this employee a negative pay review.
But realistically, $6 million only buys a mediocre NBA point guard these days, or about 70-feet of interstate bridge, or a couple of radio towers and maybe a few thousand square-feet of office space.
In the great scheme of things, I think a bionic employee could be a bargain…however, mileage reimbursements could be dicey, with those 60-mph bionic legs.
"Better, faster, stronger than before..."