Vintage Camper Showcase #20

"It's a boat, no a plane, no, it's a, a Spartan camper?"

"Yes. Virginia, the Spartan Manufacturing Company briefly considered using their fancy travel trailers in a different mode altogether in 1954, as a houseboat!

If you can find one of these rarities, you've just paid for your kids' college, and maybe a few nights at the Hilton, to boot! The unusual house boat was only in production for about an hour or two before they realized how 'out of their element' they were. No word on how many were made, or if they were even sold to the general public. But this fancy example did indeed float, as this RV/MH Museum lost photo proves. I can't imagine not having a diving board, though.

At least you don't have to worry about leveling the rig!"

Pontiac, Swine Flu and Pirates, Oh My!

It's not the end of the world, just a really bad inning

There was a time in America when our troubles were thin: Wars, lending rates, heating costs, invasive species on a few crops, maybe a bad storm or two.
Now, it's seems to be getting to a new level of garbage.
Whoever thought we'd have to wear a Swine Flu face mask to a fish fry, or for the college educated to get turned down for a "name tag job," or worry about pirates while on a cruise, or not be able to buy a Pontiac.
Wait, no more Pontiac? You mean the guys who MADE THE FIRST MUSCLECAR? Is this some sort of Al Gore-based joke?
Pontiacs are as American as the Hollywood blockbuster, or an ice cream sandwich in August. "Super Chiefs" were fireworks, sunburn and a hot dog in July, or jell-o in a nursing home - well, maybe not THAT American, but you get the point.
When it comes to "Americana," Pontiacs are up there with earth-tone colored appliances, Crock Pots and surfing movies as the epitome of red-white and blue.
To quote Warren Oates in the 1971 cult-classic "Two-lane blacktop:" "Yeah man, Pontiac's are the deal!"
The late Oates (known to later generations as Sgt. Hulka in the Bill Murray-classic, "Stripes") spends that whole movie telling lies, talking trash, picking up hitchhikers and driving fast on the late Route 66 from the air conditioned jet fighter cockpit of an "Orbit Orange" 1970 Pontiac GTO Judge coupe, packed with a snarling, 455-cubic-inch dinosaur heart under the hood.
"With a few mods, this thing could be a street sweeper," Declares "The Mechanic" in "...Blacktop" (and Beach Boy drummer) Dennis Wilson.
Later Pontiacs made starring roles in movies like "Smokey and the Bandit," "Blue Velvet," and on TV as James Garner's discreet weapon in "The Rockford Files." That gold colored Firebird Esprit also made Rockford's signature move possible. Often referred to as a "Rockford," the speeding-in-reverse J-turn is easy on ice with a front-wheel-drive, but requires a stunt driver and and a tight parking brake on pavement!
But Pontiacs have always been "cool." Their mantra for years has been "driving excitement," and sales have never faltered all that much.
And the "new" GM, which WE sort of own, is killing them. Hmm, maybe to make a point? Is this there idea of punishing America for not lending them U-hauls full of more cash at minus-four-percent interest? Is this the "socialization of the auto industry?" Does this mean the end of the road for driving excitement? Does it mean we'll never get to hear Jean Luc Picard say "Pawn-tee-ack" in his fake-French, Star Trek-esque way every again?
Nah, it can't be. Tell me there will still be a hot rod Pontiac for sale in some showroom, even if it is a hybrid, electric or wind-powered.

Vintage Camper Showcase #19 - 007's weekender

Those wacky Brits! First they drive on the wrong side of the road, then they eat "pie" made of meat and without fruit, and drink warm beer with an egg in it, and then they make this crazy camper!
Somewhere in between they conjured up James Bond, Robin Hood and Twiggy - which are all cool - and of course the music is among the best in all of humanity.
Oh yeah, and I'm totally all over Monty Python and slinky brunettes with a British accent are sexier than the Victoria's catalog.
But leave the campers to the bloody Yanks! Here's why.
Even though it looks sorta cool, it reportedly didn't work all that well. It's a 1963 Martin Walter Romany Conversion Bedford Dormobile. 

Yes, I know. A mouthful. Quick say it by memory! A little clunky, maybe, but worthy of a view. And I'm sure they're worth a pretty pound these days!
"I say, Love, throw me a few quid for a loxie if you might. The old birds' feeling a bit randy, if you know what I mean..."

My Andy Rooney List

This is my "Andy Rooney Moment," or maybe better titled: If I were Master of Time and Space, these are a few things I would make sure are changed, for the better:

1 - Coffee pot drip. Who designed the "carafe?" and why can't you pour anything from them without spilling?
2- Voting. The Minnesota Senate recount, as well as the Bush v. Gore case, show that the day of the paper ballot has long since passed. American Idol has results for over 30-million in a few hours! It takes six months to figure out who won the Senate race?
3 - Wireless Internet Settings. Between PPPoE (1 and 2), DSL, AirPort, Ethernet, USB and Firewire, just knowing what to click requires an engineering degree, a relative with an IT connection or hours on the phone. Then, you need to set the IP address, WAN settings, boolie-boolie settings, and, of course we need your account name (not your E-mail) and your ISP password. Enough said? Can you imagine if you needed to do this every time you got a new TV, or stereo, or telephone?
It's the Bill Gates-ing of the World, baby, and it's gotta stop.
4 - Public Restroom Toilet Paper Rolls - Who thought it was a good idea to put them ON THE FLOOR? And what's with the monster rolls? I swear people use twice as much, if they can reach the beginning of the roll.
5 - Cruise Control button layout. It is different on every vehicle, and even among the same manufacturers! Pick a layout and make it the same. Can you imagine having to learn the layout on every computer keyboard? What if "QWERTY" didn't apply? Or what if auto manufacturers each had unique and different pedal configurations? "What's this pedal do? Oh, THAT'S the gas!"
6 - All computer virus composers would eventually be stricken with gangrene of the fingers.
7 - Religious differences wouldn't be such a ridiculous deal. Grow up, think what you want, and leave everyone else out of it. We don't really care what you do or don't believe. Just keep us out of it. ANY religion that advocates violence against another religious belief is NOT a religion, it is thuggery, pure and simple.
8 - More yogurt flavors. Not really, I just thought it would be an interesting juxtaposition to the religious thing above.
9 - The elimination of 'satellite" AM/FM radio, pretending to be "live and local." I'm not talking about XM or Sirius, which is equivalent to satellite. One of the great communication scams of the last decade, and it should put all stations that do this under the FCC licensing gun.
10 - Elimination of the Juicebox. No greater waste of resource in beverages, except for maybe the "energy drink."
11- Strict controls on pet breeding. There are so many "puppy mills" that we hear awful things about, I can only imagine the hidden ones. Ditto cat breeders. There seem to be plenty of them without the breeders, and few if any real controls.
12- Restrictions on slogans. Especially on "news organization." The trend seems to be if they say they are better, more up-to-date, more balanced, fair or world wide, they are just the opposite.
13- Signaling laws - Make not using your turn signals a Misdemeanor. Or at least make it a true driving violation, on par with speeding or running a stop sign. Just how freaking lazy can you be? Really? You're that lazy? Really? Then you deserve a ticket.
14- No more "baby" in music. - Hereafter, I institute a five year moratorium on the use of the word "baby" in all pop music.
15- Scooter laws - Under my reign, scooters, golf carts, ATVs and slow, electric vehicles can use all roads, except interstates. And kids age 12 and up - with certification - as well. Ten-year-olds can hunt with a rifle in my state! I think they can ride a 25-MPH scooter.
16- Settle the Blu-Ray/DVD deal. C'mon, the whole "beta" vs. VHS" left us with the wrong choice, just because of manufacturer involvement. Make 'em both work on each player.
17- Athlete Pay - I'm not saying we should restrict any body's "potential," but it makes all other pay scales ridiculous. When a .267, mediocre utility player is making twenty times what the President of the USA makes, there is bungle in the jungle. That's going to collapse the professional sports industry faster than steroids, ballpark costs or moving a team.
18 - Speaking of Steroids - Who are you fooling? This is not that big a deal. Test players in every sport randomly, and just for "performance enhancers." I don't care if they're smoking a joint, or taking advil or claritin. Clearly define what is legal and what isn't, and test for THAT often. Period. Make them pay for it. We do it with DUI offenders, why not athletes? Is it cost? (See above.)
19- "Green" Underwriter's Laboratories - I'm afraid we're being hoodwinked by many companies who "greenwash" and pretend to be doing environmentally friendly actions, but are still using child labor, or toxic paint, lead, or cheap foreign labor. But they they "pretend" to be green by using various amounts of recycled paper, or less packaging or whatever. I want - and am willing to pay for - the true "Green Index" of a product and a company. Not just what THEY say, but what the real truth is. Then it would affect their products and practices.
20 - Printer cartridge standards - Giant waste. They all have their own flavor, and they all are way over priced and cannot be refilled without exotic equipment. Make them sit down and agree on a format, just like batteries, or paper size or CDs.
21 - Make junk mail MORE expensive - Right now, it's the opposite. Carry the burden of postal service on the backs of the people and industries who abuse it and make it so awful to open my mailbox. How many offers for Direct TV do I need per week? Massive waste, for very little return for very few.
22- Grocery Bags - I'm sick of seeing them on the roadside or in trees or everywhere. Force them to be compost-able or biodegradable. I don't mind paying a few cents extra. In some parts of the world, they call the plastic bags the "White Cloud" because they are so numerous, and never go away, flying across the countryside with the wind.
23- Bring back the "FirePuck" - I refuse to watch hockey on TV without being able to see the puck. The "firepuck" experiment a few years ago was a step in the right direction.
24 - Prime time "Enhancement" ads - It's time to take that sexual crap off the TV. Especially before 10pm. Totally inappropriate.
25- Tax Repetition - Since everything on the planet will eventually be Bar Coded. I say we limit the NUMBER OF TIMES a product can be taxed. My Chrysler has been bought and sold at least six times, does the state or the feds DESERVE sales tax EVERY TIME? Maybe the first two, then it would be reduced in rate, eventually to zero. Some products - vehicles especially - have been taxed dozens of times during sales over the years, often times even more between states, and even among family members!
26- No more of the 'Three R's" - This is a tired, ridiculously simpleton approach to education, and it makes you sound like an idiot. It might work in Finland or Bulgaria or in the rain forest, but not in today's' world.
27- Crappy Toy Tax - Anything plastic in a Kid's Meal, or similar product, should be taxed accordingly, for the garbage, hassle, tears, and eventual garage sale factor.
28- Free battery recycling - Build the charge into batteries. The heavy metals, toxic chems and other products in them are a leaching problem just stewing and waiting to happen.
29- No more "ET" - Entertainment Tonight is the unfortunate byproduct of TV run amok, even more than Jerry Springer. How much do we need ot know about the "Octomom," or Anna Nicole Smith's kid, or OJ? C'mon, put this crap to bed.
30- Elimination of the "regular" slotted screw - We made it through twenty centuries without the Phillips, but we need to dump the regular Screw NOW. They are cheap, wimpy and don't work in anything short of a decorative matter.
31- Fake eyebrows - C'mon, do you think they look OK? Take a week off.
32- Buried powerlines - We can do it, and it saves so much in storms. Entire counties are cut off during ice and wind storms. We can do it, it just costs a bit more initially. Cheaper than pulling out all the stops when the lines are down from trees.
33- DTV - Yes, we get it. Old TVs won't work. We need a box. It sucks, and it's going to be a huge deal. Enough about it.
34- Infomercial-free cable. Wasn't that the point of cable, originally? Why have we accepted this as OK? Don't buy stuff from them and it will stop!
35- No more "theme money" - The state quarters were cute, but did I spend anymore? Do we need to "revamp" our coins? This seems like a Treasury Department branch in search of a reason to function.
36- Razor interchangeability - I know, it seems petty, but also a waste that my old razors won't work because of the new style of Gillette or Mach 12 or whatever, with four soap strips and seven blades. Ho-hum, I just want to shave.
37- Wimpy Toothbrushes - Eliminate the "soft" brushes. Might as well use cotton balls.
38- Return of the Magician/Circus/Comedy Club - Is there really anything better than a live magic show? Remember the excitement of the circus? Is there anything funnier than a real live comedy show with truly funny people and entertainers? I miss that.

That's enough for now.

Gangster Road Wagon - Vintage Camper Showcase #18

As we prepare for the release this summer of "Public Enemies" - a Wisconsin/Illinois-based Johnny Depp film that promises to be one of the coolest ever movies about gangsters - I present his Gangster-era camper and tow car set-up.
Tell me you can't see ol' John Dillinger behind the wheel of this sweet pre-war V-8 sedan, towing a swank Circa-1936 "Tin Can" dream, hiding out in plain sight!
Yes, the echoing "pocketa-pocketa" of the stubby Tommy guns, and the sweet drifting odor of stolen Depression-era bank cash is too sweet to forget.
Hmm, I think it would go kind of like this....
(Cue the slamming door of the bank, a quick "pocketa" of the Tommy's, fired into the ceiling for effect.)
"Awright, everybody FREEZE! Down on the floor, and keep yer hands where I can see 'em, ya hear?!"
"I got it from here, Lefty. Awright, you, yeah, you, Bub. Get over here and open the vault, see, and nobody gets hurt, see? How about you, pretty lady? Any other cash? Yer not holding out on me, is ya, sistah? I hopes not, cuz yer one swell-lookin dame! C'mon, pops, hurry up! I ain't got all day, here! Whoa, wait! Look, Farmer Brown, I don't want your money, no, see, you keep it. I just want the bank's dough, ya see? You earned your cash. Mr Bank President here thinks he's better deserving of your money than you are, see? We're leaving your pockets alone, feller. There we go, now we're cookin with gas, see? Thanks, sistah! Hey Lefty, tell me this dame ain't the real deal! She's a keeper. hey, dolly, you got a sistah at home for Lefty? See they call him 'Lefty' cuz all the dames left him for me, get it? hahaha! Folks, you go home and tell all your neighbors that you just got robbed by the toughest, fairest gang in the whole Midwest, and lived to tell about it. Heck, tell 'em he GAVE you some of the money! Go ahead, Lefty, give 'em all a Jackson so they can buy some viddles for next week. haha, now, Mr. Senior VP Bank President, I want you to go over there and change your pants, cuz I think you just wet yourself, see?!"
"Now I want yous all to put yer heads down, and count to 47 real slow, ya hear?! We'll be leaving you now, and I want to thank you for your time and patience. And My name's 'Lefty' cu I'm a southpaw!"
(One last "pocketa" as they leave in a blaze of burning rubber, with a few wild bills thrown out the windows for effect so the people will get in the way of the coppers.)

They probably left the camper at the Hideout, and used it as their HQ, don't ya think?

"Hey, Lefty, this here table is great for counting all our dough! Hey Dolly, grab me a beer, would ya? I think we's need to get to know each other a little bettah...""

Welcome to my post card...Vintage Camper Showcase #17

- "Hey, that camper is so shiny I can see through my own clothes!" -

Aye, she's a shiny temptress! A veritable "Venus dons chromium." Err, or something in Latin that's very suave and "old worldly."

Yes, the Lukas Family has it all: Cool 26-foot, shiny Airstream International camper with two tanks of gas and a five-digit number on front! 

"Wahoo-who, Gina! Hide the lamp shades! We're not only going camping , honey, we're going to be part of a club so strong we need five-digit-identifiers! That's more than the Postal Service needs!"

Yes, the Airstream registry is extensive, and this gleaming '64 dual-axle was the cream of its crop that year, and probably one of the largest "mobile" trailer campers of its day. 

I can almost see it now:  "No mirrors needed! Just shave on the wall, Bub! The whole world is reflected back, like your own, personal post card!"

    

"Captain Nemo, your camper is ready, sir!"

Vintage Trailer Showcase #16

"That's no ordinary camper, it's a Clipper!"
Fresh from the backlots of southern California, where they wee once as common as former Liz Taylor spouses, this vintage 1936 Clipper is undergoing a restoration and complete tear down. Known for their "scary" snouts and windswept style, they were also famous for being the weirdest thing you'll see in your rear view mirror.
I don't have much info on this, except that it came from a camper forum several years ago, with no more accompanying info.
Sadly, I have very few Clipper photos, but will include what I have in a collection.
Enjoy!

That's one classy chassis! (Vintage Camper Showcase #15)

Hey, what do you mean "No Smoking?" This is my home away from home! You can have my smokes when you pry them from nicotine-stained wrinkly, decomposing fingers.
But this vintage shot of an un-named, circa 1938 vintage camper actually shows the "upside" of trailers, camping and apparently, fashion and interior design! Note the way boss flower prints on the sofa and on her sun dress, or the funky flowery sculpture behind, or even better yet, the foxy lady's porcelain bird and horse collection in the corner shelf behind! Yes, nothing says the great outdoors like broken china and shattered dinnerware!
And how's that for a coincidence! She's looking at herself in the magazine! My heavens, she is at the cusp of fashion.
(Photo courtesy the RV/MH Museum and the C. Dickenson Collection.)

Vintage Camper Showcase #14 - Ski Jump or trailer?

Not much in the way of details. Just a cool old design, circa 1935. This thing could sell today! You could pull it with the hybrid, and get everyone a talking at the KOA. Their "wavy-stickered" fiberglass rental RVs would look like a turd - albeit a new turd, with a warranty - compared to this sweetheart. (Photo courtesy the RV/MH Museum and the C. Dickerson Collection.)

Vintage Camper showcase #13

I'm showering in the Forest! Imagine that! 

That's one slick, sleek piece of modern conveniences, Madge. The new Airstream was more than just a "camper," it was a mobile two-star hotel room. You could be in the jungle, forest, desert or prairie, and the modern world was just behind your bumper. 

"Oh, pass me the soap, cowboy, I'm felling very dirty after a big day outdoors." 

Oh-la-la! Or as the ad says, "...all the world is truly their home."

Photos courtesy the RV/MH Museum in Indiana, and also part of the C. Dickenson collection. Don't think they go together, but were in the same batch. I believe the Airstream exterior is a 1958, while the shower photo may be a different critter, since it says 1952. But still, imagine how revolutionary the shower was for RV campers. It was the last excuse for many people.  

Genuine Imitation: Order a brand-new, custom-made 007 classic re-creation thingy...Or "I'm ordering a Batboat!"

A company called "Fiber Classic" started taking orders for a brand-new, re-created, classic 007 Bond boat, from "Live and Let Die." If they're building James Bond re-makes, why not an even cooler Glastron: The Batboat?!

Check out the video for a bit of a background, and weigh-in if you think it may be the best "Bond" song ever, as well. Short of the theme, of course. (Don't want any 007 fans to shoot me with a fake pen at a convention anytime.) 

The soundtrack morphs into the re-make by Guns and Roses, and then shows how to get a "New" old boat:

Yes, you can now get a fresh off the shelf, brand-new, fake, recreated-from-scratch version of one of the coolest boats ever made: The Glastron GT-150. This is one of the first "muscle boats" for everyman. It was affordable, solid, fun and most importantly, light. With a 50-horse on the tail, it could pull two skiers and get on plane in ten seconds. With an 85-horse, it could beat almost anything on the lake and pull a (dropped-ski) bare-footer. With a 115-horse? It ruled the lake. There are plenty of stories of folks who bought a GT-150, and then went to another dealer and ordered a big ass Mercury 150-horse "tallboy" and "re-stickered" it to look like a 115, for insurance purposes. A few dealers had an extra 115-hp sitting around, and probably made out pretty well. The boats would do over 65-mph with the right prop, trim and lightened up. Tweaked and "greased" - a way of waxing the hull - it pushed 70-mph and beyond. That's cooking on the water!



Why a Glastron for James Bond? It sure helped that Glastron previously got the call for one of the most visible boats in all of media: The famous "Batboat."
The Batboat is seen here undergoing initial break-out runs, with creator and chief engineer Mel Whitley at the helm. It is a fascinating story behind the machine(s) and their fate is chronicled very closely at the site. Unfortunately, one of the true original Batboats was turned into a, gasp, CAR! (No, I don't get it either.)






While the other original apparently got lost along the way, and was believed to have ended up in South America.




I can see it now: Kathleen Turner, (now ACTUALLY a horse-voiced, semi-retired, former vixen wannabe romance novelist) who while on "holiday," gets tangled up with a Drug Cartel kingpin. (I hate when that happens on vacation! ) Her old friend Michael Douglas happens to be in nearby Columbia, (undergoing hyper-baric chamber treatments to prolong his life, and allow him to keep up with wife Catherine Zeta-Jones) when he gets the call from Turner. (Squeeze your throat with a belt while mumbling) "Michael, dahling, I'm in it up to my ahm-pits with a silly older fella. Please assist." Then they meet the Drug Lord (portrayed by, hmm, someone lost to time, maybe a slurry-speeched Dick Clark?) Who later tries to outrun "The Federales," and takes them on an exotic river run in the original Batboat, which he hides in a camo shed along the banks. He bought the rare classic with crack money at an auction in Bogotta. As he launches the classic into the Amazon, the bat-theme plays and Turner and Douglas must be stuffed into "lil buddy" Robin's chair. It's an uncomfortable and highly-sexually charged moment for our stars. Then the drug lord proclaims "Say hello to my yill bat-friend!"

No quote yet on my Batboat, I'm guessing twenty large, plus licensing fees. (Of course, I could find a tattered Glastron V-174 on e-Bay in Missouri for $400, drive a 12-mpg pickup down for a delivery, and get into all kinds of adventures along the way...)

"Say cream danish!" Caption Contest #3 (also, Vintage Camper Showcase #11)

This photo has it all: A classic Buick LeSabre, vintage Airstream, mock windmill and a smiling family in their Sunday best! If it had a puppy and a Gerber baby it would qualify for federal restoration funding. GBA! (Ah, that's "God Bless America") Let loose with the captions!

The Domestic Car Quandary

It's a pretty emotional story. What to do about the "Big Three" and Detroit? Many people are convinced they should just be let out to pasture and shot, others want bankruptcy - so they can "slim down" - others want a full-blown bailout package to keep the (face it) millions of jobs tied to this industry.
They're all right to some extent, and all equally wrong. 

Here's a perfect example of both. Popular Mechanics pointed out ten things wrong with GM - including the Hummer H2 and the early Saturns? - which is akin to finding hairs out of place on a model. Well, bad analogy, but yes, okay, some of those cars were absolute bombs, but reading the comments on the piece sealed what I'm saying: Most people have NO IDEA WHAT'S REALLY WRONG WITH DETROIT. 

• Wall Street, bean counters and the stockholders. Have you ever bought something because it gave investors larger dividends? Of course not. That "Feed Us!" mentality has brought the Big Three to the pavement. They don't care about quality, reputation or the future of the product or a brand, they care about the next quarter's dividends - which realistically, for most of them, is a few hundred bucks. Whoopee! Let's drive 'em into the ground to save cash and bring up the bottom line! This killed Detroit as much or more than anything. Tangible companies - meaning they make something - shouldn't make decisions purely on stockholders. They are a small part of the overall picture. The bean counters forced the Big Three to make so many concessions they lost their passion, cut corners to save cash and made everything so cheap it couldn't last, hence the lack of loyalty. 
• Foo-Foo trends. GM especially, and Ford as well. They built heavier and heavier trucks over the decades, requiring more and more power and hence, lesser mileage. They are SO committed to them, they can never go back. Giant SUVs, vinyl tops, front wheel drive (Yes, I said it. It's not the best way to move anything. Costly, heavy and incredibly complicated, FWD makes a flat floor and helps in the snow, but is amazingly fragile.) Remember Fords in the 70s? Giant boats with micro back seats. GM always kills their cars JUST WHEN THEY GET GOOD (Camaro, Buick Grand National, Impala police/taxi, even the EV1 was ahead of its time!). GM is known for letting customers find the problems, and using warranties instead of testing and engineering. Ditto Chrysler, which never seems to learn lessons, and has the same problems on entire generations of vehicles!
• Overblown Japanese reputation. They can make some fantastic vehicles, but they also seem to forget the American way: We speed on bad roads, hit very big bumps, pull trailers, hit the ditch a few times and like to change our own oil. Almost any of those things can make for a tough time with an import. Only now have they realized about the towing, and ever look at the body shop bill after a deer hit? Don't EVER buy a front-wheel drive car after a crash EVER! Japanese cars used to be crap. They used cheap metal that rusted before the first tune-up. They were impossible to find parts for, expensive to fix and when they did fall apart, not worth putting back to together. Some of that has changed, but in reality, their reputation is based more on JD Power and vaguely-substantiated "lists" of repairs. Hmm, if it's off warranty, who do you tell?
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Service and Dealerships. This alone is reason to let the Big Three fail. Outrageous pricing structure, awful warranty dealings, un-friendly DIY designs, underwhelming loyalty, slickster attitudes, misleading bills for routine items.  
• Engineers and Stylists. GM takes the cake here. The Pontiac Aztek alone proves every previous point. They all have their Azteks: Ford's Pinto-based Mustang (nicknamed "Muskrat,") ...Star-series vans, Expedition,  Lincoln's gorgeous but insane LSCs ($1,200 to fix a headlight?) and many more. Chrysler has a lot, as well: K-car-derivatives for 15 years! Even, aargh,  a limousine! The Dodge Dynasty, St. Regis and Plymouth stutters.   
• Sales staffs. All of them are so bad, they deserve ragging upon again.
• Clueless CEOs and administration. They all made that blatantly obvious at the Congressional Bailout hearings recently. No plans, no cost saving, no humility or pride. They are only there to make money for others. That's not a car company, that's a pimp. 
• Awful negotiations. I don't blame the Unions, at all. If the Big Three couldn't ever get their collective acts together to bargain in good faith for better deals, then it's THEIR FAULT. The same people blaming the UAW are the same people blaming the homeowners for the Foreclosure Crisis. Self-interests, baby, self-interests. Detroit dropped the ball on bail-outs, pensions, CEOS and corporate structure long before they can blame it on the Unions. Blaming unions for Detroits fall is like blaming bad news on the Internet. How many hundred or thousand times the average auto worker's salary do the "corporate administrators" in these three make? It's misplaced priorities, complete lack of pride in a product, and a "blame the union" attitude so prevalent on Capitol Hill over the last decade that's compounded the problem. the unions saw the writing on the wall, and figured they better get what they can. Do you blame them?  

(All photos are mine, from the astounding Las Vegas Imperial Palace Auto Collection/Museum. If you're in the market for a super-rare ride, check them out. BTW, the red '76 Ford Torino at the top of the article? It's an actual "Starsky and Hutch" movie ride, for sale, even!)

Waking to a party... (Vintage Camper Showcase #11)

In the early hours, while the Sun was still warming Europe and beginning to tint the Lake Superior sky, I rolled across the little camper bunk and listened. Listened still. No breathing.
Drumming insects, rustling grass, cool din of the Shasta's fridge, waning campfires and something else - a vague, lilting rhythm. Saucy, possibly scandalous New Orleans jazz. End of the night at an outdoor party, when the only people awake are either too drunk to dance anymore or too sober to dance just before sunrise.
I wanted to join them, grab the conversation and run with it.
Man, camping can be worth the hassle.

The latest from the New Detroit! and a Vintage Camper peek into the future ( Showcase #9)...

Check out this beauty! A versatile and sleek peek into the 20th err, 21st Century! It represents a throwback to several eras, when power, style and Pioneer Spirit ruled! This is not ordinary car; it's a low slung, sleek futuristic buggy! Hola! That's one hot tamale!


(The photo above is from the C. Dickenson RV/MH Museum Collection, no details.)

The Big Wheel Generation

I think I was born in the last few days of the "Baby Boom." So technically, I am a "boomer."
But in reality, I am a part of much more crystalline definition, a smaller, more interesting and exciting band of group dynamic: "The Big Wheel Generation."
We can blame it all on the Big Wheel.
We were the first "gen" to capitalize on that new found (herein officially named only on TTG) "Turnpike Directive," courtesy of Pres/General D.D. Eisenhower.
Think of all the millions of tons of concrete and asphalt America poured across our acreage. It wasn't all just roads, you know. Some it was sidewalks; Micro roads, made for cool Schwinn Sting Rays, roller skates, lemonade stands, chalk markings for lane restrictions and yes, the grandfather of all great late model stunt drivers: The Big Wheel.
All those new sidewalks of the 50s, 60s and 70s were just waiting for our extreme, pre-"X-game" brand of plastic-wheeled stunt expression: "The Big Wheel 360."
The machine was born in 1969 in America by the Louis Marx and Company, and became such a hasty hit in the early 70s that every boy HAD to have one. Period. But the low-slung, big front wheel trike was one of the most ruthlessly stolen designs of its time, so much so the Marx company pretty well gave up and sold the brand name and design to their chief competitor, Empire Plastics.
The Big Wheel was hailed as a safer pastime than biking, which of course will eventually kill you.
It was hard to get hurt on a Big Wheel, unless you crashed several of them together - which we did. Or ran into street signs. Which we also did. Or ran them into anything that was stationery, solid and sold newspapers. Again, we did it.
But the freedom. Big Wheels allowed you access to parts of your neighborhood you had to - gasp - WALK TO.
Or bike and die.
They had a crudely adjustable seat, so you could both grow and keep your toy - which, come to think of it, was probably their downfall: You didn't ever really outgrow them.
But we wore all of ours out in my neighborhood.
The Big Wheel had it all: Cool sounds, leopard-like agility and a chopper-esque profile that still stands as one of the coolest toy designs ever. It also had a fake pod of gauges on the yoke, meant to make us believe we were really cooking with gas.
Yes, the staccato clatter of the machine on concrete was immediately recognized. (It was probably the lack of bearings and the friction of the less-than-round plastic wheels across the sidewalk expansion strips that made it sound so ominous.)
Sure, you could motor pretty fast, and it was also fun to do a quick little burn out as you shot away to a new, unknown and critical adventure.
But the best part was the brake.
With a simple tug on the right side lever, the whole machine would go careening sideways, spinning madly like Mannix's Cougar on gravel, the Kansas farm house in an Oz tornado or Dotty Hamill's oh-so-waifish haircut.
It was pure, G-force joy, probably not unlike the early astronauts or test drivers experienced.
The Big Wheel Spin was so addictive, every kid's machine in my neighborhood had "flat spots' on the back wheels.
So what? It just made the ride a little bumpier.
The freedom, the spins and the low rider effect turned us into a nation of speed freaks and G-force junkies.
Not all "Extreme Sports" were born from surfing or skateboarding - no, baby, for a lot of us, it was the Big Wheel.
Sadly, the machines went out of favor in the late 90s, and are hard to find these days. There was even a few years where NOBODY MADE THEM!
Alas, the Big Wheel was re-born in 2003, and now has races, clubs, web sites and new fans all over.
There is nothing like that child-like rush of first riding a bike on your own, or eating your favorite food for the first time, or sleeping over and not being "ascared." But few memories can match that first 180-donut in a Big Wheel.
Hmm, now if they only had sidewalks in my neighborhood...

(Image credit to artist Jennifer Mazur)

Vintage Camper Showcase #8 - NPS

Oh, doesn't it make you want to throw on some Bermuda shorts, grab a High Life and head for the fishing hole? Maybe grab a heater along the way, and then complain about the way music has gone "downhill," you know, with all that "rock-and-roller stuff." Heck, I'm thinking of investing in the National Broadcasting Corporation, ever since they added stations west of the Rockies! You know this radio thing could be the future. (Photo courtesy the National Park Service. 1933 at Glacier National Park. No details on car or camper.)

Vintage Camper Showcase #7 - Meet Miss Spartanette!

She's a sassy little vixen, all smooth and shiny like a lake's reflection on a sunny day. Spartans were known for their shiny polished styling, variety in sizes and lush, rich interiors and woodwork. They have become one of the primary vintage campers for restoration, in part because of that classic look, which I like to call the "Jetson's Style." Here's a few prime Spartans for the first time on TTG.




(All photos and literature courtesy the RV/MH Museum in Indiana.)

Hunting with my Jeep

As The Holiest of Seasons is about to open here in Wisconsin, it is wise to put it all in perspective.
I've always loved this photo, and found I had it on my old hard drive. Don't know anything about it, except it seems like an ad for seat belts, or maybe an insurance company. Possibly a PSA for Halloween safety - you know, the kids dressed as a rhino and got hit crossing the street.
Or maybe someone hit a rhino as it was crossing the road.
They have the right-of-way, you know.

Vintage Camper Showcase #6 - Hot and Not

Courtesy the C. Dickenson Collection and the RV/MH Museum. No info on either, but the home made version is a stretch for this quality site. The other Shasta and the classic Shoebox Chevy are what many folks try to achieve.