A Food Stamp by any other name…

The State of Wisconsin spent $10,000 in 2003 to explore alternate names for "Food Stamps." I'm sure we could have received pretty good ideas for free.
I had a college graphic design class where the professor sought out local and regional projects for his students to be part of. It gave underling, wannabe artists a chance to either design a portfolio-worthy logo or a real, live advertisement.
During my term, we had two contests, including a "re-design an ad" contest, which I believe had the grand prize of a year's supply of mailing labels or pen refill cartridges.
I didn't win that one, although the professor used my Courvoisier liquor project as an example of "how to apply critical dead space to magnify the attention of the product."
Yeah, I'm real proud of that.
The other "public project" was a chance to design a new logo for a public access cable channel in Melrose, Minn., called - oh so creatively - "Mel-TV". I'm afraid my logo looked suspiciously similar to my signature - which is a cross between a doctor's prescription for Valtrex™ and an EKG reading.

I've always believed that if you really want to protect yourself from "identity theft," make your signature consistently ugly, quick and illegible. Then stick with it.
Besides, credit card signature areas are way too small for the average autograph anyway.


I think the state could have done something like this for the Food Stamp issue.
In these times of red ink, we need to use free talent more often. Utilize hungry students, interns, job seekers, retirees, and the underemployed for all they're worth. I think you would get better, less "corporate" ideas if you hit up the "Regular Joes and Janes" of society. Better yet, have Food Stamp customers submit their best ideas for a new name - killing two birds with one stone. In effect, suggestions with built-in marketing research.
Following the "feel-good" trend, Minnesota changed its Food Stamp program name to "Food Support." I wonder how much that creative genius cost.
I even have a few names for Food Stamps I would have given the state for a reduced fee, seeing as how we're such close buds.
Here you go: Carb Tickets. The Enhanced Table. Hunger Pangs. Belly Jellies. The Gift of Calories. Belt Stretchers.
That'll be $1,800.
The Women, Infants and Children program - which I took full advantage of several years ago as an underemployed writer - has none of the "stigma" associated with Food Stamps, in part because nobody knows what "WIC" stands for.
Most people think "WIC" might be part of the recent "candle craze" taking over the rural pyramid-scheme crowd.
No, Food Stamps just need a good, old fashioned acronym to keep the well-off food shopper in the dark: something like "People Afflicted with Income Disorders" (PAID), or "Government Rehydration And Potbelly Enhancement Service" (GRAPES) - both of which would be pretty easy to ask about at your local Food Lion.
"Excuse me, ma'am, does your store take GRAPES?" or "Is this the line for getting PAID?"
And just in case your neighbor is in line behind you, scouting out your selection of baby formula, whole milk, Muslix® and ketchup, we could fool them all. (Run with me on this one)
"Letting Our Troubled Taxpayer Or Tourist Income Contribute Kalories to Empty Table Settings," a.k.a. "LOTTO TICKETS."
This might be too confusing for our minimum wage cashier, but we could add a few pictures of Elvis, slot machines or ducks to make the tickets seem more "authentic."
That's all I can tell you for free, I'm afraid.
(Photo details, top to bottom: An altered party scene at sunset from a wedding party in Cushing, Wisc, summer of 08. Middle: An abandoned farm outbuilding near Milltown, Wisc. Fall 08. Bottom: Another C. Dickenson Gem from the RV/MH Museum. No credits or details.)