19.8.09
So now that Brett is Viking I can...
Pontiac, Swine Flu and Pirates, Oh My!
It's not the end of the world, just a really bad inning
There was a time in America when our troubles were thin: Wars, lending rates, heating costs, invasive species on a few crops, maybe a bad storm or two.
Now, it's seems to be getting to a new level of garbage.
Whoever thought we'd have to wear a Swine Flu face mask to a fish fry, or for the college educated to get turned down for a "name tag job," or worry about pirates while on a cruise, or not be able to buy a Pontiac.
Wait, no more Pontiac? You mean the guys who MADE THE FIRST MUSCLECAR? Is this some sort of Al Gore-based joke?
Pontiacs are as American as the Hollywood blockbuster, or an ice cream sandwich in August. "Super Chiefs" were fireworks, sunburn and a hot dog in July, or jell-o in a nursing home - well, maybe not THAT American, but you get the point.
When it comes to "Americana," Pontiacs are up there with earth-tone colored appliances, Crock Pots and surfing movies as the epitome of red-white and blue.
To quote Warren Oates in the 1971 cult-classic "Two-lane blacktop:" "Yeah man, Pontiac's are the deal!"
The late Oates (known to later generations as Sgt. Hulka in the Bill Murray-classic, "Stripes") spends that whole movie telling lies, talking trash, picking up hitchhikers and driving fast on the late Route 66 from the air conditioned jet fighter cockpit of an "Orbit Orange" 1970 Pontiac GTO Judge coupe, packed with a snarling, 455-cubic-inch dinosaur heart under the hood.
"With a few mods, this thing could be a street sweeper," Declares "The Mechanic" in "...Blacktop" (and Beach Boy drummer) Dennis Wilson.
Later Pontiacs made starring roles in movies like "Smokey and the Bandit," "Blue Velvet," and on TV as James Garner's discreet weapon in "The Rockford Files." That gold colored Firebird Esprit also made Rockford's signature move possible. Often referred to as a "Rockford," the speeding-in-reverse J-turn is easy on ice with a front-wheel-drive, but requires a stunt driver and and a tight parking brake on pavement!
But Pontiacs have always been "cool." Their mantra for years has been "driving excitement," and sales have never faltered all that much.
And the "new" GM, which WE sort of own, is killing them. Hmm, maybe to make a point? Is this there idea of punishing America for not lending them U-hauls full of more cash at minus-four-percent interest? Is this the "socialization of the auto industry?" Does this mean the end of the road for driving excitement? Does it mean we'll never get to hear Jean Luc Picard say "Pawn-tee-ack" in his fake-French, Star Trek-esque way every again?
Nah, it can't be. Tell me there will still be a hot rod Pontiac for sale in some showroom, even if it is a hybrid, electric or wind-powered.
There was a time in America when our troubles were thin: Wars, lending rates, heating costs, invasive species on a few crops, maybe a bad storm or two.
Now, it's seems to be getting to a new level of garbage.
Whoever thought we'd have to wear a Swine Flu face mask to a fish fry, or for the college educated to get turned down for a "name tag job," or worry about pirates while on a cruise, or not be able to buy a Pontiac.
Wait, no more Pontiac? You mean the guys who MADE THE FIRST MUSCLECAR? Is this some sort of Al Gore-based joke?
Pontiacs are as American as the Hollywood blockbuster, or an ice cream sandwich in August. "Super Chiefs" were fireworks, sunburn and a hot dog in July, or jell-o in a nursing home - well, maybe not THAT American, but you get the point.
When it comes to "Americana," Pontiacs are up there with earth-tone colored appliances, Crock Pots and surfing movies as the epitome of red-white and blue.
To quote Warren Oates in the 1971 cult-classic "Two-lane blacktop:" "Yeah man, Pontiac's are the deal!"
The late Oates (known to later generations as Sgt. Hulka in the Bill Murray-classic, "Stripes") spends that whole movie telling lies, talking trash, picking up hitchhikers and driving fast on the late Route 66 from the air conditioned jet fighter cockpit of an "Orbit Orange" 1970 Pontiac GTO Judge coupe, packed with a snarling, 455-cubic-inch dinosaur heart under the hood.
"With a few mods, this thing could be a street sweeper," Declares "The Mechanic" in "...Blacktop" (and Beach Boy drummer) Dennis Wilson.
Later Pontiacs made starring roles in movies like "Smokey and the Bandit," "Blue Velvet," and on TV as James Garner's discreet weapon in "The Rockford Files." That gold colored Firebird Esprit also made Rockford's signature move possible. Often referred to as a "Rockford," the speeding-in-reverse J-turn is easy on ice with a front-wheel-drive, but requires a stunt driver and and a tight parking brake on pavement!
But Pontiacs have always been "cool." Their mantra for years has been "driving excitement," and sales have never faltered all that much.
And the "new" GM, which WE sort of own, is killing them. Hmm, maybe to make a point? Is this there idea of punishing America for not lending them U-hauls full of more cash at minus-four-percent interest? Is this the "socialization of the auto industry?" Does this mean the end of the road for driving excitement? Does it mean we'll never get to hear Jean Luc Picard say "Pawn-tee-ack" in his fake-French, Star Trek-esque way every again?
Nah, it can't be. Tell me there will still be a hot rod Pontiac for sale in some showroom, even if it is a hybrid, electric or wind-powered.
19.4.09
Vintage Camper Showcase #19 - 007's weekender
Those wacky Brits! First they drive on the wrong side of the road, then they eat "pie" made of meat and without fruit, and drink warm beer with an egg in it, and then they make this crazy camper!
Somewhere in between they conjured up James Bond, Robin Hood and Twiggy - which are all cool - and of course the music is among the best in all of humanity.
Oh yeah, and I'm totally all over Monty Python and slinky brunettes with a British accent are sexier than the Victoria's catalog.
But leave the campers to the bloody Yanks! Here's why.
Even though it looks sorta cool, it reportedly didn't work all that well. It's a 1963 Martin Walter Romany Conversion Bedford Dormobile.
Yes, I know. A mouthful. Quick say it by memory! A little clunky, maybe, but worthy of a view. And I'm sure they're worth a pretty pound these days!
"I say, Love, throw me a few quid for a loxie if you might. The old birds' feeling a bit randy, if you know what I mean..."
"I say, Love, throw me a few quid for a loxie if you might. The old birds' feeling a bit randy, if you know what I mean..."
The Closing Time Roses
On weekend nights
the bars out here are hopping
Nightlife, drinks and shots are popping
the girls all act so smooth and sober
while the men all try to win them over
Shortly before the night is done,
a deaf man rolls through with a smile on
Packing flowers grown with rays of sun
for all the boys who sing for some
The lights come on at oh-bar-30
Closing Time Roses oh so pretty
Petals make the carpet glow
Reds, whites, yellows all for show
Making all my dreams come true
Hoping Mr. Right is you
Roses from my one and only
Probably someone just as lonely
Sing me songs that show your feelings
Heartfelt, lovelorn, senses reeling
Those roses say what can't be said
While bouncers say "it's time to head."
Closing Time Roses in her hands
All in place of wedding bands
Three bucks each or two for five
It takes dead flowers to feel alive
My Andy Rooney List
This is my "Andy Rooney Moment," or maybe better titled: If I were Master of Time and Space, these are a few things I would make sure are changed, for the better:
1 - Coffee pot drip. Who designed the "carafe?" and why can't you pour anything from them without spilling?
2- Voting. The Minnesota Senate recount, as well as the Bush v. Gore case, show that the day of the paper ballot has long since passed. American Idol has results for over 30-million in a few hours! It takes six months to figure out who won the Senate race?
3 - Wireless Internet Settings. Between PPPoE (1 and 2), DSL, AirPort, Ethernet, USB and Firewire, just knowing what to click requires an engineering degree, a relative with an IT connection or hours on the phone. Then, you need to set the IP address, WAN settings, boolie-boolie settings, and, of course we need your account name (not your E-mail) and your ISP password. Enough said? Can you imagine if you needed to do this every time you got a new TV, or stereo, or telephone?
It's the Bill Gates-ing of the World, baby, and it's gotta stop.
4 - Public Restroom Toilet Paper Rolls - Who thought it was a good idea to put them ON THE FLOOR? And what's with the monster rolls? I swear people use twice as much, if they can reach the beginning of the roll.
5 - Cruise Control button layout. It is different on every vehicle, and even among the same manufacturers! Pick a layout and make it the same. Can you imagine having to learn the layout on every computer keyboard? What if "QWERTY" didn't apply? Or what if auto manufacturers each had unique and different pedal configurations? "What's this pedal do? Oh, THAT'S the gas!"
6 - All computer virus composers would eventually be stricken with gangrene of the fingers.
7 - Religious differences wouldn't be such a ridiculous deal. Grow up, think what you want, and leave everyone else out of it. We don't really care what you do or don't believe. Just keep us out of it. ANY religion that advocates violence against another religious belief is NOT a religion, it is thuggery, pure and simple.
8 - More yogurt flavors. Not really, I just thought it would be an interesting juxtaposition to the religious thing above.
9 - The elimination of 'satellite" AM/FM radio, pretending to be "live and local." I'm not talking about XM or Sirius, which is equivalent to satellite. One of the great communication scams of the last decade, and it should put all stations that do this under the FCC licensing gun.
10 - Elimination of the Juicebox. No greater waste of resource in beverages, except for maybe the "energy drink."
11- Strict controls on pet breeding. There are so many "puppy mills" that we hear awful things about, I can only imagine the hidden ones. Ditto cat breeders. There seem to be plenty of them without the breeders, and few if any real controls.
12- Restrictions on slogans. Especially on "news organization." The trend seems to be if they say they are better, more up-to-date, more balanced, fair or world wide, they are just the opposite.
13- Signaling laws - Make not using your turn signals a Misdemeanor. Or at least make it a true driving violation, on par with speeding or running a stop sign. Just how freaking lazy can you be? Really? You're that lazy? Really? Then you deserve a ticket.
14- No more "baby" in music. - Hereafter, I institute a five year moratorium on the use of the word "baby" in all pop music.
15- Scooter laws - Under my reign, scooters, golf carts, ATVs and slow, electric vehicles can use all roads, except interstates. And kids age 12 and up - with certification - as well. Ten-year-olds can hunt with a rifle in my state! I think they can ride a 25-MPH scooter.
16- Settle the Blu-Ray/DVD deal. C'mon, the whole "beta" vs. VHS" left us with the wrong choice, just because of manufacturer involvement. Make 'em both work on each player.
17- Athlete Pay - I'm not saying we should restrict any body's "potential," but it makes all other pay scales ridiculous. When a .267, mediocre utility player is making twenty times what the President of the USA makes, there is bungle in the jungle. That's going to collapse the professional sports industry faster than steroids, ballpark costs or moving a team.
18 - Speaking of Steroids - Who are you fooling? This is not that big a deal. Test players in every sport randomly, and just for "performance enhancers." I don't care if they're smoking a joint, or taking advil or claritin. Clearly define what is legal and what isn't, and test for THAT often. Period. Make them pay for it. We do it with DUI offenders, why not athletes? Is it cost? (See above.)
19- "Green" Underwriter's Laboratories - I'm afraid we're being hoodwinked by many companies who "greenwash" and pretend to be doing environmentally friendly actions, but are still using child labor, or toxic paint, lead, or cheap foreign labor. But they they "pretend" to be green by using various amounts of recycled paper, or less packaging or whatever. I want - and am willing to pay for - the true "Green Index" of a product and a company. Not just what THEY say, but what the real truth is. Then it would affect their products and practices.
20 - Printer cartridge standards - Giant waste. They all have their own flavor, and they all are way over priced and cannot be refilled without exotic equipment. Make them sit down and agree on a format, just like batteries, or paper size or CDs.
21 - Make junk mail MORE expensive - Right now, it's the opposite. Carry the burden of postal service on the backs of the people and industries who abuse it and make it so awful to open my mailbox. How many offers for Direct TV do I need per week? Massive waste, for very little return for very few.
22- Grocery Bags - I'm sick of seeing them on the roadside or in trees or everywhere. Force them to be compost-able or biodegradable. I don't mind paying a few cents extra. In some parts of the world, they call the plastic bags the "White Cloud" because they are so numerous, and never go away, flying across the countryside with the wind.
23- Bring back the "FirePuck" - I refuse to watch hockey on TV without being able to see the puck. The "firepuck" experiment a few years ago was a step in the right direction.
24 - Prime time "Enhancement" ads - It's time to take that sexual crap off the TV. Especially before 10pm. Totally inappropriate.
25- Tax Repetition - Since everything on the planet will eventually be Bar Coded. I say we limit the NUMBER OF TIMES a product can be taxed. My Chrysler has been bought and sold at least six times, does the state or the feds DESERVE sales tax EVERY TIME? Maybe the first two, then it would be reduced in rate, eventually to zero. Some products - vehicles especially - have been taxed dozens of times during sales over the years, often times even more between states, and even among family members!
26- No more of the 'Three R's" - This is a tired, ridiculously simpleton approach to education, and it makes you sound like an idiot. It might work in Finland or Bulgaria or in the rain forest, but not in today's' world.
27- Crappy Toy Tax - Anything plastic in a Kid's Meal, or similar product, should be taxed accordingly, for the garbage, hassle, tears, and eventual garage sale factor.
28- Free battery recycling - Build the charge into batteries. The heavy metals, toxic chems and other products in them are a leaching problem just stewing and waiting to happen.
29- No more "ET" - Entertainment Tonight is the unfortunate byproduct of TV run amok, even more than Jerry Springer. How much do we need ot know about the "Octomom," or Anna Nicole Smith's kid, or OJ? C'mon, put this crap to bed.
30- Elimination of the "regular" slotted screw - We made it through twenty centuries without the Phillips, but we need to dump the regular Screw NOW. They are cheap, wimpy and don't work in anything short of a decorative matter.
31- Fake eyebrows - C'mon, do you think they look OK? Take a week off.
32- Buried powerlines - We can do it, and it saves so much in storms. Entire counties are cut off during ice and wind storms. We can do it, it just costs a bit more initially. Cheaper than pulling out all the stops when the lines are down from trees.
33- DTV - Yes, we get it. Old TVs won't work. We need a box. It sucks, and it's going to be a huge deal. Enough about it.
34- Infomercial-free cable. Wasn't that the point of cable, originally? Why have we accepted this as OK? Don't buy stuff from them and it will stop!
35- No more "theme money" - The state quarters were cute, but did I spend anymore? Do we need to "revamp" our coins? This seems like a Treasury Department branch in search of a reason to function.
36- Razor interchangeability - I know, it seems petty, but also a waste that my old razors won't work because of the new style of Gillette or Mach 12 or whatever, with four soap strips and seven blades. Ho-hum, I just want to shave.
37- Wimpy Toothbrushes - Eliminate the "soft" brushes. Might as well use cotton balls.
38- Return of the Magician/Circus/Comedy Club - Is there really anything better than a live magic show? Remember the excitement of the circus? Is there anything funnier than a real live comedy show with truly funny people and entertainers? I miss that.
That's enough for now.
18.4.09
The Whole Ladybug Deal
In Latin they are officially referred to as Harmonia axyridis, but locally go by several nicknames: Asian Lady beetles, Halloween beetles, Harlequins, Stainbugs, Ladybirds, Eurasian Beetles, and as one buddy put it: "The lining of my vacuum cleaner."
We've all got them. Even the cleanest home or office fights off their territorial invasion.
They harbored over-winter in our siding, light fixtures, attics, ceilings, sheds, campers, even in our playground equipment. I even found a moving brood of the little orange beneath a pile of last years Maple leaves!
And with the warming temps, they have emerged in some places like a silent invasion of breathing orange carpeting.
While there are over 4,000 varieties of beetle, world-wide, only several hundred are native to this region.
Now they've become more than just a pest or a nuisance, they're pretty gross.
Local beginnings
I first got a whiff of their extent at a Polk County (Wisconsin) committee meeting nine years ago, when Supervisor Dick Coen of rural Luck noted that he and his wife had seen so many that fall, they had "started naming them," as they crossed their living room floor.
"I told my wife, 'hey look, there goes old six-spot!'" he chortled to the property committee.
The laughs slowly turned to the grim realization that everyone on the committee had a similar issue.
We were slowly being invaded by the tiny, dome-shaped insects that gardeners used to love, Germans fashioned a car after and that kids would delicately carry into the house to name and care for in years past.
The cuteness seems to have worn off years ago.
Now they have become an almost accepted part of Midwestern living, and are so numerous, "surveys" of their extent have become unnecessary.
When did they roll into town?
For almost a decade now, the Ladybugs have swelled into a true example of what "invasive species" really means.
The rumors about the causes and the notes of a possible Ladybug invasion started shortly after the first few million were spotted here in the Valley, going back to the fall of 2000, and even earlier to the south and east.
Going backward, "invasions" were noted in Kentucky in early 1992, central Pennsylvania a year later, and Champaign, Illinois in the late summer of 1994. They've slowly marched north during the warm weather, and have adapted remarkably to the climate along the way.
The Hemlock efforts
But where did they all come from? Was it a semi-successful terrorist plot run amok? Maybe a Biblical Plague that never really gained traction? Maybe a kid really did find a Genie in a bottle, and happened to wish for "Lots of pretty little Ladybugs!"
No, no and Definitely NO.
While they have been identified for over a century as a one of the original biocontrol agents for aphids and other pests, there were planned releases noted in the US as early as 1916, but they didn't catch on.
According to several entomologists, it was the US Department of Agriculture that attempted massive releases of the spherical pests several times in the late 70s and early 80s, hoping the multicolored Asian lady beetle would help to control pests in agricultural centers along the East Coast. The target was primarily the dreaded Hemlock Woolly Adelgid, a pest that has single-handedly threatened most flavors of Hemlock tree. In parts of the Northeast, the future for Hemlocks is grim at best, and the USDA apparently saw the writing on the wall years ago, and tried - unsuccessfully, it seems - to introduce the Ladybug as a last ditch way to save the trees.
The New Orleans theory
Entomologists have tried to trace them genetically, and seem to think the US infestation essentially ALL came from one initial batch, but pinpointing where that colony entered may be twenty years too late.
The beetles were noted in Louisiana in late 1988, although most science-types think that batch may have been an accidental release, possibly from a Japanese cargo vessel or cruise liner in New Orleans. They note that the critters were never released in those areas they were first spotted that year, so the fingers point away from the earlier USDA southeast releases, and may lean toward a new source.
Others have noted the use of the Ladybug as a way to help control aphids on Pecan and Apple crops in the Deep South, from private producers, and that the invasions may have caught on and spread fast, since the warmer weather allowed them to produce many times their usual four to five generations per year.
Where are they?
Whatever the cause, and wherever they entered the US, they are here and they are almost everywhere. The bugs have now been confirmed from far eastern Canada down to Florida, and all along the Atlantic seaboard and mid-Atlantic states. Of course, they have been here and throughout the Midwest and are now even into the Pacific Northwest, where they have become so prominent in Oregon and Washington, shipments of everything from apples to Christmas trees must be inspected, so they don't spread any further. California vintners have made extra efforts to eliminate the bugs, since even a few on the grapes can taint entire batches of wine.
What can we do about them?
But the real issue has become how to control, or at least limit them, since they have no natural enemy - except maybe the Shop Vac.
The problem is that they sort of "communicate." They don't really speak their own language, per se, but communicate via smell - a pheromone, actually. It's called an "Aggregate Pheromone," and when one of the little beasts discovers a nice, safe, warm place to hide out when the weather gets cooler, it realizes that smell, and all the ones around pay attention and flock to that spot.
Those flocks can number from a dozen to tens of thousands, and there have been reports of massive colonies found behind siding or in vents.
They tend to favor the south and west side of buildings, especially areas warmed by afternoon sun. They are also drawn by sharp color contrasts, especially light colors of siding.
The critters are tiny, and they probably do not want to be trapped in your home.
The best trick to eliminating them is to keep them outdoors. Weatherstripping, caulking, sealing holes and obvious entry points will help dramatically.
But they have this spray...
Chemicals and pesticides can and do work, to some extent, but should only be applied outdoors. Many professional think you should only use pesticides as a last resort, and even then, only in the early fall or late summer, to keep them from over wintering.
Would you want thousands of dead ladybugs in your attic or in your walls? It really is best to keep them outside, and use pesticides only as a deterrent. Without mentioning names, there are a number of proven pesticides that work pretty well on the beasts, but many are quite toxic to plants, pets and other critters.
And the good news?
Regardless of our efforts or their numbers, they are probably here to stay at some level.
Yes, they really do a good job of controlling crop-eating aphids, and if you want to control them humanely, it's wise to apply them to a garden.
Efforts and studies are underway to control them biologically, even at a genetic level. One notable area of research involves genetic manipulation to make the bugs nearly flightless, so future generations would be less mobile and likely to spread. Some of these strains are already being used in some controlled environments.
Other tests have proven worthy, although slightly gross: They essentially turn the critters into cannibals during one of their earlier stages, decreasing the number of males so dramatically, they don't even need to wear cologne or buy fast cars to attract females.
Hate them or not, Ladybugs are considered sort of the coolest invasive species. In fact, the Mall of America reportedly releases them ON PURPOSE to keep their over 400 indoor trees pest-free.
Other regions of Europe and Asia have dealt with the critters for decades, and still have a positive view. Some western Europeans even relate to the bugs in Biblical terms, with several nicknames associating them with the Virgin Mary. And several cultures still consider them good luck and positive fortune.
One long-held myth was that killing one was bad luck.
If that is true, then forget broken mirrors and seven years; my Shop Vac has doomed my great grandchildren.
###
We've all got them. Even the cleanest home or office fights off their territorial invasion.
They harbored over-winter in our siding, light fixtures, attics, ceilings, sheds, campers, even in our playground equipment. I even found a moving brood of the little orange beneath a pile of last years Maple leaves!
And with the warming temps, they have emerged in some places like a silent invasion of breathing orange carpeting.
While there are over 4,000 varieties of beetle, world-wide, only several hundred are native to this region.
Now they've become more than just a pest or a nuisance, they're pretty gross.
Local beginnings
I first got a whiff of their extent at a Polk County (Wisconsin) committee meeting nine years ago, when Supervisor Dick Coen of rural Luck noted that he and his wife had seen so many that fall, they had "started naming them," as they crossed their living room floor.
"I told my wife, 'hey look, there goes old six-spot!'" he chortled to the property committee.
The laughs slowly turned to the grim realization that everyone on the committee had a similar issue.
We were slowly being invaded by the tiny, dome-shaped insects that gardeners used to love, Germans fashioned a car after and that kids would delicately carry into the house to name and care for in years past.
The cuteness seems to have worn off years ago.
Now they have become an almost accepted part of Midwestern living, and are so numerous, "surveys" of their extent have become unnecessary.
When did they roll into town?
For almost a decade now, the Ladybugs have swelled into a true example of what "invasive species" really means.
The rumors about the causes and the notes of a possible Ladybug invasion started shortly after the first few million were spotted here in the Valley, going back to the fall of 2000, and even earlier to the south and east.
Going backward, "invasions" were noted in Kentucky in early 1992, central Pennsylvania a year later, and Champaign, Illinois in the late summer of 1994. They've slowly marched north during the warm weather, and have adapted remarkably to the climate along the way.
The Hemlock efforts
But where did they all come from? Was it a semi-successful terrorist plot run amok? Maybe a Biblical Plague that never really gained traction? Maybe a kid really did find a Genie in a bottle, and happened to wish for "Lots of pretty little Ladybugs!"
No, no and Definitely NO.
While they have been identified for over a century as a one of the original biocontrol agents for aphids and other pests, there were planned releases noted in the US as early as 1916, but they didn't catch on.
According to several entomologists, it was the US Department of Agriculture that attempted massive releases of the spherical pests several times in the late 70s and early 80s, hoping the multicolored Asian lady beetle would help to control pests in agricultural centers along the East Coast. The target was primarily the dreaded Hemlock Woolly Adelgid, a pest that has single-handedly threatened most flavors of Hemlock tree. In parts of the Northeast, the future for Hemlocks is grim at best, and the USDA apparently saw the writing on the wall years ago, and tried - unsuccessfully, it seems - to introduce the Ladybug as a last ditch way to save the trees.
The New Orleans theory
Entomologists have tried to trace them genetically, and seem to think the US infestation essentially ALL came from one initial batch, but pinpointing where that colony entered may be twenty years too late.
The beetles were noted in Louisiana in late 1988, although most science-types think that batch may have been an accidental release, possibly from a Japanese cargo vessel or cruise liner in New Orleans. They note that the critters were never released in those areas they were first spotted that year, so the fingers point away from the earlier USDA southeast releases, and may lean toward a new source.
Others have noted the use of the Ladybug as a way to help control aphids on Pecan and Apple crops in the Deep South, from private producers, and that the invasions may have caught on and spread fast, since the warmer weather allowed them to produce many times their usual four to five generations per year.
Where are they?
Whatever the cause, and wherever they entered the US, they are here and they are almost everywhere. The bugs have now been confirmed from far eastern Canada down to Florida, and all along the Atlantic seaboard and mid-Atlantic states. Of course, they have been here and throughout the Midwest and are now even into the Pacific Northwest, where they have become so prominent in Oregon and Washington, shipments of everything from apples to Christmas trees must be inspected, so they don't spread any further. California vintners have made extra efforts to eliminate the bugs, since even a few on the grapes can taint entire batches of wine.
What can we do about them?
But the real issue has become how to control, or at least limit them, since they have no natural enemy - except maybe the Shop Vac.
The problem is that they sort of "communicate." They don't really speak their own language, per se, but communicate via smell - a pheromone, actually. It's called an "Aggregate Pheromone," and when one of the little beasts discovers a nice, safe, warm place to hide out when the weather gets cooler, it realizes that smell, and all the ones around pay attention and flock to that spot.
Those flocks can number from a dozen to tens of thousands, and there have been reports of massive colonies found behind siding or in vents.
They tend to favor the south and west side of buildings, especially areas warmed by afternoon sun. They are also drawn by sharp color contrasts, especially light colors of siding.
The critters are tiny, and they probably do not want to be trapped in your home.
The best trick to eliminating them is to keep them outdoors. Weatherstripping, caulking, sealing holes and obvious entry points will help dramatically.
But they have this spray...
Chemicals and pesticides can and do work, to some extent, but should only be applied outdoors. Many professional think you should only use pesticides as a last resort, and even then, only in the early fall or late summer, to keep them from over wintering.
Would you want thousands of dead ladybugs in your attic or in your walls? It really is best to keep them outside, and use pesticides only as a deterrent. Without mentioning names, there are a number of proven pesticides that work pretty well on the beasts, but many are quite toxic to plants, pets and other critters.
And the good news?
Regardless of our efforts or their numbers, they are probably here to stay at some level.
Yes, they really do a good job of controlling crop-eating aphids, and if you want to control them humanely, it's wise to apply them to a garden.
Efforts and studies are underway to control them biologically, even at a genetic level. One notable area of research involves genetic manipulation to make the bugs nearly flightless, so future generations would be less mobile and likely to spread. Some of these strains are already being used in some controlled environments.
Other tests have proven worthy, although slightly gross: They essentially turn the critters into cannibals during one of their earlier stages, decreasing the number of males so dramatically, they don't even need to wear cologne or buy fast cars to attract females.
Hate them or not, Ladybugs are considered sort of the coolest invasive species. In fact, the Mall of America reportedly releases them ON PURPOSE to keep their over 400 indoor trees pest-free.
Other regions of Europe and Asia have dealt with the critters for decades, and still have a positive view. Some western Europeans even relate to the bugs in Biblical terms, with several nicknames associating them with the Virgin Mary. And several cultures still consider them good luck and positive fortune.
One long-held myth was that killing one was bad luck.
If that is true, then forget broken mirrors and seven years; my Shop Vac has doomed my great grandchildren.
###
26.3.09
Gangster Road Wagon - Vintage Camper Showcase #18
As we prepare for the release this summer of "Public Enemies" - a Wisconsin/Illinois-based Johnny Depp film that promises to be one of the coolest ever movies about gangsters - I present his Gangster-era camper and tow car set-up.
Tell me you can't see ol' John Dillinger behind the wheel of this sweet pre-war V-8 sedan, towing a swank Circa-1936 "Tin Can" dream, hiding out in plain sight!
Yes, the echoing "pocketa-pocketa" of the stubby Tommy guns, and the sweet drifting odor of stolen Depression-era bank cash is too sweet to forget.
Hmm, I think it would go kind of like this....
(Cue the slamming door of the bank, a quick "pocketa" of the Tommy's, fired into the ceiling for effect.)
"Awright, everybody FREEZE! Down on the floor, and keep yer hands where I can see 'em, ya hear?!"
"I got it from here, Lefty. Awright, you, yeah, you, Bub. Get over here and open the vault, see, and nobody gets hurt, see? How about you, pretty lady? Any other cash? Yer not holding out on me, is ya, sistah? I hopes not, cuz yer one swell-lookin dame! C'mon, pops, hurry up! I ain't got all day, here! Whoa, wait! Look, Farmer Brown, I don't want your money, no, see, you keep it. I just want the bank's dough, ya see? You earned your cash. Mr Bank President here thinks he's better deserving of your money than you are, see? We're leaving your pockets alone, feller. There we go, now we're cookin with gas, see? Thanks, sistah! Hey Lefty, tell me this dame ain't the real deal! She's a keeper. hey, dolly, you got a sistah at home for Lefty? See they call him 'Lefty' cuz all the dames left him for me, get it? hahaha! Folks, you go home and tell all your neighbors that you just got robbed by the toughest, fairest gang in the whole Midwest, and lived to tell about it. Heck, tell 'em he GAVE you some of the money! Go ahead, Lefty, give 'em all a Jackson so they can buy some viddles for next week. haha, now, Mr. Senior VP Bank President, I want you to go over there and change your pants, cuz I think you just wet yourself, see?!"
"Now I want yous all to put yer heads down, and count to 47 real slow, ya hear?! We'll be leaving you now, and I want to thank you for your time and patience. And My name's 'Lefty' cu I'm a southpaw!"
(One last "pocketa" as they leave in a blaze of burning rubber, with a few wild bills thrown out the windows for effect so the people will get in the way of the coppers.)
They probably left the camper at the Hideout, and used it as their HQ, don't ya think?
"Hey, Lefty, this here table is great for counting all our dough! Hey Dolly, grab me a beer, would ya? I think we's need to get to know each other a little bettah...""
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
